¡Hay Skrew you Philadephia, you bike thiefing piece of grabagE!
IS POSTINGD ON Sep 10 2009 BY EL MARCO Bueno¡Is no my baby
IS POSTINGD ON Sep 09 2009 BY EL MARCO BuenoBack on Friday, before the piece of garbage “World” Championships in Philthadelphia, EL MARCO BUENO found some mail threatenig him in New York City. It mistakenly go to very handsome and busy Ken Stanek, and Ken find BUENO outside of tunnel entrance before tornamet to give him postcard:
Now listen, kidnapper. How is we supposed to meet your demands if we don’t even know who you are? Believe me, LOS MARCOS knows how to kidnap. Let me give you some pointers. ONE: Duct tape. It’s cheap and strong and you can use it to patch holes in tunnel or bike tubes. TWO: make sure you sign ransome letter with forwarding address y contact info. This mistake cost LOS MARCOS hundreds of marcosian dollar one year, and we had to turn all captives into employees - even paying them a nickel an hour. THREE: That’s not my kid. No wait, that’s not my WIFE. It’s Gigante’s wife. My kid, his wife. I don’t think he knows about that. Thanks for making this awkward.
So ok Canada, I want Gigante’s wife’s kid back. LOS MARCOS does no take you threats lightly. Sure, we give you points when you pop open glove box y EL NINO PEQUENO pop out as a teenager - and then we take you to school in the Pit. VIVA LOS MARCOS!
¡We make good money.
IS POSTINGD ON Sep 08 2009 BY EL MARCO BuenoHay so Philadelphia, thank you a lot for stealig MALO’S bike. FTW, we say. Man, we never see Malo so upsat y dejekted befor. We try everything to chear him up. Got him prostitutes, whiskey, a pound of weed…nothing. So Sillydelphia, your little pieces of crap kids can eat chit! That’s what we thinks. Other than that, you did a goods tornamet, even tho all rules clearly stacked against LOS MARCOS. We see what we can do to change thems in next years tornamets. For now, of course, you come to New York in a months, and find out how real play is.
In other news, I took it upons myself to raise moneys for MALO for getting new bike. I go to dance club, dance and take off tights for money. Took maybe 15 minutes, and people was shoving worthless American and Canadian moneys down my pants. This is new way for LOS MARCOS to make money. Is a little easier than selling stolen babies anyway.
¡LOS MARCOS COFFEE
IS POSTINGD ON Aug 19 2009 BY EL MARCO BuenoBack a few month ago, LOS MARCOS send a degelate to middle of courntry to stir up porpaganda machine, infiltratig town halls for our death care program y bribing gullible midwesterners with candy and booze. Many converts has been made to the marcosian way. It a grassroots thing, whatever that is. We no have “grass” in Los Marcostan. All covered with lava, and the alcoholic sea water no good for anything to grow except for booze trees and, oddly, coffee plants. It little known fact that our mysterious island is rife with nutrients to grow strongest, most robust flavorful coffee you ever tasted.
Dear Leader
¡Silladelphia, hear we come
IS POSTINGD ON Aug 19 2009 BY EL MARCO BuenoLOS MARCOS take brief side trip to Philadelphia in a few weeks for to promote LOS MARCOS MELEE. There a guy there name “Alabama” or somethig - he throwing what he claim is “World Championship” of bike polo. We has new boring machine to axtend our New York tunnel to Philthadelphai:
We been building is machine for long time and now it finally ready. Lot of time before when digging tunnel, we have hard time boring through infrastructure of small communities - their plumbing, sewage, school buses, cemetaries. They clog up machine. Not longer with “The Kernel X288″. Not much stand in our way now. We be there real soon!
¡Tarckstar sponsor Pole Dance Bike
IS POSTINGD ON Aug 11 2009 BY EL MARCO Bueno
It’s happening.
¡Seagull poop on mask, but make nice bags!
IS POSTINGD ON Aug 11 2009 BY EL MARCO BuenoThis one time at beach, I sit there with ma y pa Bueno, watchig waves ov lava crashig on the shore, burning tourists to a crisp. Ma y Pa y Bueno laugh y laugh y laugh and we never figure out how those people found Los Marcostan in the first place. We ate funnel cake, rode bikes that we stole from littel kids, y Pa Bueno taught me how to pick up girls with money an tequila. It was good time with Ma y Pa. May they rast in piece. If they dead that is. Last time I saw them, they say “Bueno, wait rite here in frozen meat section of grocery store ok? We be riiiight back,” and then they run away real happy an jump in car, screech out of parkig lot - i hear their favrit Sepultura songs vary loud from car - and then a large crash, people in grocer store go “oh, shock! It a schoolbus! My god is so horrble!” and i stand there. I stand there for 15 year until I fall into tunnel Gigante was diggig. But that another story.
This story about the seagull that poop on mask that day at beach with Ma y Pa! Stupid seagull. It made that day horble, but almost ok watchig you fly close to ocean and cook youself to death. You may suck, but you still make nice bag. We can’t wait for the Melee, because we get some of you bags for giving out for top prices! Thax Seagull
¡Bacon Piñata filled with Bacon
IS POSTINGD ON Aug 04 2009 BY EL MARCO BuenoNew THIS JUST IN we confirm with tournamet designer the status of el Piñata for LOS MARCOS MELEE. In prior year, we make tap-out Piñata from paper mashy, y midget from Canadana smash it in one stroke of his mighty mallet. We pledge no make mistake same again. We build INDESTRUCITBLE cabron-fiber Piñata in 2008 at LOS MARCOS MADNESS. It take whole day for exploding, and shower drunken fools below with buckets of candy. You should’v scene them. They adoroble, running for sugar. Maybe is reason no one did good in Alleycat later on. Sugar crash about time race start. This year, we take thing above y beyond for the making happy of everyone at LOS MARCOS MELEE. Our Piñata this year is to be made from bacon. And inside? Bacon. Bacon Piñata filled with Bacon. ¡VIVA LOS MARCOS! Is best torunament ever.
is filling with bacon!
¡New Sponsers!
IS POSTINGD ON Jul 30 2009 BY EL MARCO BuenoHay, WE WANT TO SAY THANK IS YOU! Los Marcos alrady have everythig in they need, but we can alway take more. CONSUME, CONSUME, CONSUEM! Is what Papa y Ol’ Kernel Marcos use to say. If we no find a good use for all this stuff just for ourself, maybe we give it away as price at Los Marcos Melee in Okctober.
Big up to Brooklyn Bike y Broad, Kraptonite, Holdfastordiet, y Sonaday for coming on board.
Chack out this drawig of Holdfast Straps we rip off from John Probably’s boring website. If that hipster uses them, theys HAS to be good!
¡Los Marcos Melee update. October 9-11
IS POSTINGD ON Jul 29 2009 BY EL MARCO Bueno
LOS MARCOS MELEE IS COME UP BEFORE YOU NO IT! WE ASK FRIEND AT ALL BIKE SHOP THAT PLAY POLO AN THAY SAY THEY NO MISS THIS FOR THE WORLD. OF COURSE NOT! BIG NOOZ THIS YAR IS WE DEFINITELY HAVE TWO HOLE CORTS! TWO COURST FOR YOU PLAYING PLASURE. LOS MARCOS NO KEEP EYE ON SECOND CORT, SO YOU BE CAN “SERIOUS” OFER THERE IF YOU WANT. BUT BACK AT PIT THERE BE VOLCANIC GOAL POSTS, UNBRAKABLE PINATAS, WATER HAZARDS, TANDEM BIKE POLO, AN ALL THE TEQUILA YOU CAN DRINK. OH AND THERE GOING TO BE A VERY SARIOUS METAL SHOW THIS YEAR. IS HOST BY JAQUE CRANKQUE WHO HOST OU FIRS PARTY YARS AGO. NO ONE FORGET THAT, IS SURE.
