Archive for the ‘TORNAMET’ Category

MELEE RESULTS!

Saturday, October 17th, 2009

First Place

FETUS IN FETU


Wins these three Velocity wheelsets built by Brooklyn Bike & Board

Second Place

Hot Boiled Peanuts


Third Place

Hakuna Matataz

Fourth Place

The Los Marcos Kill Team


MVP

Sean RVA


Wins a Fleet Velo!!!!!

2nd MVP

Bri


Bri, on the right, painted those discwheels. She won a pologuard.

Special regocnishun for 1st female streaker

Megan from Chicago


Megan, on the left, got nekkid an won those discwheels by Bri, on the right.

Zachfased (most drunken)

Corey - who didn’t play, and got drunk at an event not even associated with the tournament. Happy Birthday Al!

DFL

Johnny Midwest

Hottest Costume

The Rumblinas


Best Fake American

Alexis

Overall points

1. 3445 - Fetus in Fetu (Birdseye, Ram Man, Dumptruck - NYC/CHI)
2. 2788 - Hot Boiled Peanuts aka Muy Caliente Legumes (Shane, Meghan, Jason - DC)
3. 2615 - Hakuna Matataz (Cecily, Brian “Ohio”, Ryan Pennsacola - NYC/CHI/FLA)
4. 2478 - Oh Fucky My Ass, eh aka The LOS MARCOS Kill Team (Zach, Alexis, Bainesworth - NYC/OTT/RVA)
5. 1880 - I’m not gay, but my roommate’s dick tastes like shit (Sean (MVP!), Ben, Johnny Midwest - RVA/NYC)
6. 2010 - Darth Ackbar (Zack, Adam, Leslie - NYC/SEA)
7. 1845 - Bosstlyn aka Bri Aggressive (Brianna, John, Jordan - NYC/BOS)
8. 1835 - Get Yourself Tested (Quinn, Ian, Ben, Fiona - NYC/RVA/CHI)
9. 1674 - The Rumblinas (Shelly, Oleha, Chandel - TO)
10. 1430 - Team Adorable (Tommy, Nate, Dave - NYC)
11. 1380 - The Black Widows (Katie, Amber, Julie - NYC)
12. 1263 - We’ll get back to you on that (Jen, Quinn, Paul - OTT/NYC)
13. 1015 - Lee & the Ladies (Lee, Lindsay, Megan - Columbus, CHI)
14. 732 - Dangerously Delicious Dump a pupu platters (Nick, Tim, Vince - ?)
15. 650 - What kind of dinosaur is that? (Tucker, Cait, ? - CHI/MKE)
16. 505 - 3rd Wheel Que Malo (Tink, Bruce, Jason Aquamoore - DC)
17. 480 - Raw Dog & Bail (Nathan, Will, ? - ?)
18. 250 - The Kurt Angles (Brad, Jonathan, Ian - PIT)
19. 120 - And Whatnot (Capriotti, Chris, Nick - PHI/NYC/RVA)

Other notable points results!

A separate column was kept for “misc. shenanigans, bribery, hijinks, etc.” This is where Los Marcos is traditionally won. No one can remember waht points were given for what, but some things are “court streaking”, “stripper tipping”, “coffee”, “tequila bribe”, “stick & poke tattooing the MVP”, “taking you shirt off at party”, “pleasing los marcos”, the list goes on

1320 Sean RVA (MVP MVP MVP)
810 Birdseye (last year he had only 200. You suck!)
640 Chandel (wore orange onesey best)
430 Tucker (sponsors get mad points)
415 Dave Neigburrito
410 Bri Aggressive (nice disc wheels!)
390 Ben/Fiona (can’t remember why)
390 Leslie (lots of bribery)
385 Cecily (2009 HCBP MVP)
370 Katie (nice hair)
358 Jason Woadie (1st person to earn points, in July)
345 Zach Lefty Doodle (for being from Brooklyn Bike y Board)
345 Ram Man
345 Ryan Pennsacola (has hot friends in Florida)
275 Bainesworth (for playing with us in PHI even though we lose)
295 Dumptruck
263 Alexis (although we assume he awarded himself most of those points)
250 Julie Benedetto (ran alleycat, didn’t play any polo)
250 Shelly (also wore orange onesey best)
225 Jen Ottawa (kidnapped Bueno’s child)
220 Cait (official Los Marcos personal assistant)
210 Tommy
205 Ackbar
200 Bruce (nice bike)
-180 Red Chris (cries too much)
-650 Johnny Midwest (1 point deduction for every $1 paypalled to him)

Scavenger Hunt Totals

1500 or so - Hot Boiled Peanuts
1020 - Bosstlyn/Bri Aggressive
970 - Fetus in Fetu
910 - I’m not gay but my roommate’s dick tastes like shit
710 - Hakuna Matataz
660 - The Rumblinas
630 - Oh Fuck My Ass, eh?
590 - Lee & the Ladies
510 - Get Yourself Tested
320 - Darth Ackbar
260 - Dangerously Delicious Dump a Pupu Platters
150 - We’ll get back to you on that
120 - The Black Widows
20 - Team Adorable

Top Karaoke

280 - Zachstar - “Bohemian Rhapsody”
275 - Hot Boiled Peanuts
250 - Fiona “Your so vain” with her own lyrics that she forgot
120 - Bosstlyn
120 - Lee & the Ladies
110 - Ackbar
100 - Dumptruck - “Common People”
100 - Hakuna Matataz - “Kokomo”
100 - The Black Widows
80 - Adorable

Posted in Krackaodokee, Melee, Sponsors, TORNAMET, awards, booze, bribery, drogas, heckling, prizes, results | No Comments »

ALLEYKAT

Tuesday, October 6th, 2009

Posted in Melee, Shenamigans, TORNAMET | No Comments »

MVP! ¡MVP! ¡MVP! ¡MVP GET A SKEET VELO JOUST!

Saturday, October 3rd, 2009

Is announc! MVP of LOS MARCOS MELEE win a brang noo SKEET VELO JOUST from Tukker at Waterford! SKEET VELO! Is first ever polo bike mad e from grod up jus for poolo. El Chombo has one. El Coach from Odd-owa has one. They both ok polo playerz too. And now you UH HUH YOU can has one too. BUT YOU HAS TO BE MVP!!!

NOW WE NOEZ WHAT YOU THIKING? How is I to is be Mos Valubal Palyer? LOS MARCOS, HAPL! HOW IS I TO BE MOS VABUAL PALYER?!?1 First, stop skreaming at us! Second, you shod aks valuble palyers from last years - Dumptruk from Chicago y Banezworf from Richmond. What did they do? They maintain marcosianism all weakend long! What is “Marcosianism”? It fary difacult concept to wrap hed around. Start with step one. Read this site. You figure it out. If you can find manifesto, then you get bonus point. Then let go to step too. Bribery. Bribery is very importat aspec of LOS MARCOS MELEE. Judgegs is very much open to points for favors. How does you get poits? Oh mang, so many way. Karaoke. Alleykat. Polo. Scaveger hut. Habanero eatig contest. Party. Tru MVP try - at least TRY - to do all of thiz.

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Posted in Melee, TORNAMET, bribery, prizes | 1 Comment »

ZOMG FOUR LOKO IS SPONSOR! ¡Very bad idea!

Saturday, October 3rd, 2009

lavidaloko-12_md

Posted in Melee, TORNAMET, booze, prizes | No Comments »

We make good money.

Tuesday, September 8th, 2009

Hay so Philadelphia, thank you a lot for stealig MALO’S bike. FTW, we say. Man, we never see Malo so upsat y dejekted befor. We try everything to chear him up. Got him prostitutes, whiskey, a pound of weed…nothing. So Sillydelphia, your little pieces of crap kids can eat chit! That’s what we thinks. Other than that, you did a goods tornamet, even tho all rules clearly stacked against LOS MARCOS. We see what we can do to change thems in next years tornamets. For now, of course, you come to New York in a months, and find out how real play is.

bueno-dollarsIn other news, I took it upons myself to raise moneys for MALO for getting new bike. I go to dance club, dance and take off tights for money. Took maybe 15 minutes, and people was shoving worthless American and Canadian moneys down my pants. This is new way for LOS MARCOS to make money. Is a little easier than selling stolen babies anyway.

Posted in Shenamigans, TORNAMET, manifesto | No Comments »

Tarckstar sponsor Pole Dance Bike

Tuesday, August 11th, 2009

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trackstar_yellow
It’s happening.

Posted in Melee, Shenamigans, Sponsors, TORNAMET | No Comments »

Seagull poop on mask, but make nice bags!

Tuesday, August 11th, 2009

This one time at beach, I sit there with ma y pa Bueno, watchig waves ov lava crashig on the shore, burning tourists to a crisp. Ma y Pa y Bueno laugh y laugh y laugh and we never figure out how those people found Los Marcostan in the first place. We ate funnel cake, rode bikes that we stole from littel kids, y Pa Bueno taught me how to pick up girls with money an tequila. It was good time with Ma y Pa. May they rast in piece. If they dead that is. Last time I saw them, they say “Bueno, wait rite here in frozen meat section of grocery store ok? We be riiiight back,” and then they run away real happy an jump in car, screech out of parkig lot - i hear their favrit Sepultura songs vary loud from car - and then a large crash, people in grocer store go “oh, shock! It a schoolbus! My god is so horrble!” and i stand there. I stand there for 15 year until I fall into tunnel Gigante was diggig. But that another story.

This story about the seagull that poop on mask that day at beach with Ma y Pa! Stupid seagull. It made that day horble, but almost ok watchig you fly close to ocean and cook youself to death. You may suck, but you still make nice bag. We can’t wait for the Melee, because we get some of you bags for giving out for top prices! Thax Seagull
final_logo_yellow

Posted in History, Melee, Sponsors, TORNAMET | No Comments »

Bacon Piñata filled with Bacon

Tuesday, August 4th, 2009

New THIS JUST IN we confirm with tournamet designer the status of el Piñata for LOS MARCOS MELEE. In prior year, we make tap-out Piñata from paper mashy, y midget from Canadana smash it in one stroke of his mighty mallet. We pledge no make mistake same again. We build INDESTRUCITBLE cabron-fiber Piñata in 2008 at LOS MARCOS MADNESS. It take whole day for exploding, and shower drunken fools below with buckets of candy. You should’v scene them. They adoroble, running for sugar. Maybe is reason no one did good in Alleycat later on. Sugar crash about time race start. This year, we take thing above y beyond for the making happy of everyone at LOS MARCOS MELEE. Our Piñata this year is to be made from bacon. And inside? Bacon. Bacon Piñata filled with Bacon. ¡VIVA LOS MARCOS! Is best torunament ever.

is filling with bacon!

is filling with bacon!

Posted in Shenamigans, TORNAMET | 2 Comments »

New Sponsers!

Thursday, July 30th, 2009

Hay, WE WANT TO SAY THANK IS YOU! Los Marcos alrady have everythig in they need, but we can alway take more. CONSUME, CONSUME, CONSUEM! Is what Papa y Ol’ Kernel Marcos use to say. If we no find a good use for all this stuff just for ourself, maybe we give it away as price at Los Marcos Melee in Okctober.

Big up to Brooklyn Bike y Broad, Kraptonite, Holdfastordiet, y Sonaday for coming on board.

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Chack out this drawig of Holdfast Straps we rip off from John Probably’s boring website. If that hipster uses them, theys HAS to be good!

Posted in Melee, Sponsors, TORNAMET | No Comments »

Los Marcos Melee update. October 9-11

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009

lm_assplosion-flyer1
LOS MARCOS MELEE IS COME UP BEFORE YOU NO IT! WE ASK FRIEND AT ALL BIKE SHOP THAT PLAY POLO AN THAY SAY THEY NO MISS THIS FOR THE WORLD. OF COURSE NOT! BIG NOOZ THIS YAR IS WE DEFINITELY HAVE TWO HOLE CORTS! TWO COURST FOR YOU PLAYING PLASURE. LOS MARCOS NO KEEP EYE ON SECOND CORT, SO YOU BE CAN “SERIOUS” OFER THERE IF YOU WANT. BUT BACK AT PIT THERE BE VOLCANIC GOAL POSTS, UNBRAKABLE PINATAS, WATER HAZARDS, TANDEM BIKE POLO, AN ALL THE TEQUILA YOU CAN DRINK. OH AND THERE GOING TO BE A VERY SARIOUS METAL SHOW THIS YEAR. IS HOST BY JAQUE CRANKQUE WHO HOST OU FIRS PARTY YARS AGO. NO ONE FORGET THAT, IS SURE.

Posted in TORNAMET, heckling | No Comments »