Archive for the ‘heckling’ Category

MELEE RESULTS!

Saturday, October 17th, 2009

First Place

FETUS IN FETU


Wins these three Velocity wheelsets built by Brooklyn Bike & Board

Second Place

Hot Boiled Peanuts


Third Place

Hakuna Matataz

Fourth Place

The Los Marcos Kill Team


MVP

Sean RVA


Wins a Fleet Velo!!!!!

2nd MVP

Bri


Bri, on the right, painted those discwheels. She won a pologuard.

Special regocnishun for 1st female streaker

Megan from Chicago


Megan, on the left, got nekkid an won those discwheels by Bri, on the right.

Zachfased (most drunken)

Corey - who didn’t play, and got drunk at an event not even associated with the tournament. Happy Birthday Al!

DFL

Johnny Midwest

Hottest Costume

The Rumblinas


Best Fake American

Alexis

Overall points

1. 3445 - Fetus in Fetu (Birdseye, Ram Man, Dumptruck - NYC/CHI)
2. 2788 - Hot Boiled Peanuts aka Muy Caliente Legumes (Shane, Meghan, Jason - DC)
3. 2615 - Hakuna Matataz (Cecily, Brian “Ohio”, Ryan Pennsacola - NYC/CHI/FLA)
4. 2478 - Oh Fucky My Ass, eh aka The LOS MARCOS Kill Team (Zach, Alexis, Bainesworth - NYC/OTT/RVA)
5. 1880 - I’m not gay, but my roommate’s dick tastes like shit (Sean (MVP!), Ben, Johnny Midwest - RVA/NYC)
6. 2010 - Darth Ackbar (Zack, Adam, Leslie - NYC/SEA)
7. 1845 - Bosstlyn aka Bri Aggressive (Brianna, John, Jordan - NYC/BOS)
8. 1835 - Get Yourself Tested (Quinn, Ian, Ben, Fiona - NYC/RVA/CHI)
9. 1674 - The Rumblinas (Shelly, Oleha, Chandel - TO)
10. 1430 - Team Adorable (Tommy, Nate, Dave - NYC)
11. 1380 - The Black Widows (Katie, Amber, Julie - NYC)
12. 1263 - We’ll get back to you on that (Jen, Quinn, Paul - OTT/NYC)
13. 1015 - Lee & the Ladies (Lee, Lindsay, Megan - Columbus, CHI)
14. 732 - Dangerously Delicious Dump a pupu platters (Nick, Tim, Vince - ?)
15. 650 - What kind of dinosaur is that? (Tucker, Cait, ? - CHI/MKE)
16. 505 - 3rd Wheel Que Malo (Tink, Bruce, Jason Aquamoore - DC)
17. 480 - Raw Dog & Bail (Nathan, Will, ? - ?)
18. 250 - The Kurt Angles (Brad, Jonathan, Ian - PIT)
19. 120 - And Whatnot (Capriotti, Chris, Nick - PHI/NYC/RVA)

Other notable points results!

A separate column was kept for “misc. shenanigans, bribery, hijinks, etc.” This is where Los Marcos is traditionally won. No one can remember waht points were given for what, but some things are “court streaking”, “stripper tipping”, “coffee”, “tequila bribe”, “stick & poke tattooing the MVP”, “taking you shirt off at party”, “pleasing los marcos”, the list goes on

1320 Sean RVA (MVP MVP MVP)
810 Birdseye (last year he had only 200. You suck!)
640 Chandel (wore orange onesey best)
430 Tucker (sponsors get mad points)
415 Dave Neigburrito
410 Bri Aggressive (nice disc wheels!)
390 Ben/Fiona (can’t remember why)
390 Leslie (lots of bribery)
385 Cecily (2009 HCBP MVP)
370 Katie (nice hair)
358 Jason Woadie (1st person to earn points, in July)
345 Zach Lefty Doodle (for being from Brooklyn Bike y Board)
345 Ram Man
345 Ryan Pennsacola (has hot friends in Florida)
275 Bainesworth (for playing with us in PHI even though we lose)
295 Dumptruck
263 Alexis (although we assume he awarded himself most of those points)
250 Julie Benedetto (ran alleycat, didn’t play any polo)
250 Shelly (also wore orange onesey best)
225 Jen Ottawa (kidnapped Bueno’s child)
220 Cait (official Los Marcos personal assistant)
210 Tommy
205 Ackbar
200 Bruce (nice bike)
-180 Red Chris (cries too much)
-650 Johnny Midwest (1 point deduction for every $1 paypalled to him)

Scavenger Hunt Totals

1500 or so - Hot Boiled Peanuts
1020 - Bosstlyn/Bri Aggressive
970 - Fetus in Fetu
910 - I’m not gay but my roommate’s dick tastes like shit
710 - Hakuna Matataz
660 - The Rumblinas
630 - Oh Fuck My Ass, eh?
590 - Lee & the Ladies
510 - Get Yourself Tested
320 - Darth Ackbar
260 - Dangerously Delicious Dump a Pupu Platters
150 - We’ll get back to you on that
120 - The Black Widows
20 - Team Adorable

Top Karaoke

280 - Zachstar - “Bohemian Rhapsody”
275 - Hot Boiled Peanuts
250 - Fiona “Your so vain” with her own lyrics that she forgot
120 - Bosstlyn
120 - Lee & the Ladies
110 - Ackbar
100 - Dumptruck - “Common People”
100 - Hakuna Matataz - “Kokomo”
100 - The Black Widows
80 - Adorable

More threateninig ladders

Monday, October 5th, 2009

We don’t know what to make of theas. But look at new eveidenc! By Friday, we no dought find out who is holding ou family hostage. Idiot left HIS OWN BIKE (or mabye HER OWN BIKE?!?) in one photo. Someon gots to is know who bike that is. And look at disembodied zombie hand hoding fore loko in other photo. We know one thig: this person is dead. No, not ded, but UNDEADS! The only way to defete them is to destroy their brain stem. Luckily, as LOS MARCOS knows quite well, pollo mallet is quite good for dismembership.

who bike i that!?

who bike i that!?

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NEXT CRAD:threat3

threat3_back2

LONG LEADER. TL,DR.

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threat_letter_back

Karaowookie party!

Friday, October 2nd, 2009
MERCALESSLIE WE WILL JUGJE YOU

MERCALESSLIE WE WILL JUGJE YOU

Hay Skrew you Philadephia, you bike thiefing piece of grabagE!

Thursday, September 10th, 2009

huge-action-figure-destroys-philly

Is no my baby

Wednesday, September 9th, 2009

Back on Friday, before the piece of garbage “World” Championships in Philthadelphia, EL MARCO BUENO found some mail threatenig him in New York City. It mistakenly go to very handsome and busy Ken Stanek, and Ken find BUENO outside of tunnel entrance before tornamet to give him postcard:
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Now listen, kidnapper. How is we supposed to meet your demands if we don’t even know who you are? Believe me, LOS MARCOS knows how to kidnap. Let me give you some pointers. ONE: Duct tape. It’s cheap and strong and you can use it to patch holes in tunnel or bike tubes. TWO: make sure you sign ransome letter with forwarding address y contact info. This mistake cost LOS MARCOS hundreds of marcosian dollar one year, and we had to turn all captives into employees - even paying them a nickel an hour. THREE: That’s not my kid. No wait, that’s not my WIFE. It’s Gigante’s wife. My kid, his wife. I don’t think he knows about that. Thanks for making this awkward.

So ok Canada, I want Gigante’s wife’s kid back. LOS MARCOS does no take you threats lightly. Sure, we give you points when you pop open glove box y EL NINO PEQUENO pop out as a teenager - and then we take you to school in the Pit. VIVA LOS MARCOS!

Silladelphia, hear we come

Wednesday, August 19th, 2009

LOS MARCOS take brief side trip to Philadelphia in a few weeks for to promote LOS MARCOS MELEE. There a guy there name “Alabama” or somethig - he throwing what he claim is “World Championship” of bike polo. We has new boring machine to axtend our New York tunnel to Philthadelphai:

We been building is machine for long time and now it finally ready. Lot of time before when digging tunnel, we have hard time boring through infrastructure of small communities - their plumbing, sewage, school buses, cemetaries. They clog up machine. Not longer with “The Kernel X288″. Not much stand in our way now. We be there real soon!

Los Marcos Melee update. October 9-11

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009

lm_assplosion-flyer1
LOS MARCOS MELEE IS COME UP BEFORE YOU NO IT! WE ASK FRIEND AT ALL BIKE SHOP THAT PLAY POLO AN THAY SAY THEY NO MISS THIS FOR THE WORLD. OF COURSE NOT! BIG NOOZ THIS YAR IS WE DEFINITELY HAVE TWO HOLE CORTS! TWO COURST FOR YOU PLAYING PLASURE. LOS MARCOS NO KEEP EYE ON SECOND CORT, SO YOU BE CAN “SERIOUS” OFER THERE IF YOU WANT. BUT BACK AT PIT THERE BE VOLCANIC GOAL POSTS, UNBRAKABLE PINATAS, WATER HAZARDS, TANDEM BIKE POLO, AN ALL THE TEQUILA YOU CAN DRINK. OH AND THERE GOING TO BE A VERY SARIOUS METAL SHOW THIS YEAR. IS HOST BY JAQUE CRANKQUE WHO HOST OU FIRS PARTY YARS AGO. NO ONE FORGET THAT, IS SURE.

BALLING ALEY

Tuesday, May 12th, 2009

El Hielo hear. Heilo, everbody. I on way to Malwookie for Coque tornamet, and decide to pops tunnel boring maching up in shithole of Casper, Wyomig. Only reason to stop hear is to visit Boling alley named after us. I go in, I drink a dozen sex packs, then bole horrible. Personal worse score ever of 314. Ugh. I suspecs they bring is beer from Utah - less alceohol contents from thare. IS only axplanation for tarrible gayme.

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In other noose, some jerk wif claver anacronym for wabsite talk shit about LOS MARCOS on internext. http://www.fuccit.com/ihavedumwebsite. If he braef enof to come to New York City fo LOS MARCOS MELEE, we teach is lesson. That right, fake man! I talk to you!